You Thought I was Too Sweet to Complain!

Too much candy from Capucha on Vimeo.

I am a candy lover, but even I, the Troubled Eater, can find some candies that I dislike. I am a huge lime lover, and love anything lime flavored. One of the worst years of my life was when they changed the SweeTarts Chicks, Ducks and Bunnies (the best candy in the world) and made the green colored candies Green Apple flavored instead of Lime. Now, they don't even include greens and I basically only eat the purples. But I still buy them, hopefully, every Easter. In fact, I'm noticing that most, if not all green colored candy (except Skittles) is green apple flavored. I just don't get it.

Here are a few of the candies I just don't understand. Perhaps you can enlighten me as to why people buy these candies:

1) Those generic candies wrapped in a wrapper that looks like a strawberry. These are frequently with those horrible generic butterscotch candies, too. These remind me of old people, because only old people with dying tastebuds can like these. These also remind me of growing up in church, because there is nothing that old people like more than to dig around in their purse for these babies, and then make a TON of noise with the wrapper.

2) Laffy Taffy. Also known as "fruit flavored sticky tac." Are you kidding me? Even more obnoxious, the BANANA flavored Laffy Taffy. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

3) Wax candy. You know the ones I mean. The ones in the shape of a soda bottle with sugary syrup inside. Raise your hand if you ever want to gnaw on some wax. I didn't think so.

4) Candy Corn. Speaking of wax, you might as well just eat your ear wax on these. I try them, every year, thinking I'm missing out on something really big. I'm not. Seems I'm not alone. Check this out.

5) Smarties. I used to like these as a kid. I'm not really sure why. They aren't good! I used to pretend they were aspirin when I was a tyke.

6) Candy hearts. Just typing that makes me want to spew. I can't even stand the smell of these. Just go eat some chalk dust, why don't you! Now, I will say that I love the SweeTarts hearts! Mmm!

7) That weird spicy/limey/salty candy they eat in Mexico and Central America. I still eat it because it's intriguing, but it's weird and it kind of makes you want to vomit.

8) Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. These are cute. They are creative. And not all of them are horrible. But I want to know who had to do the taste testing for the "vomit" flavored bean. Or "ear wax." Or "booger." Shudder.

9) Gummi bears. Cute idea, not tasty. Well, maybe if they wouldn't taint the entire package by throwing in red gummi bears, things would be better. I really think those reds permeate the entire package, ruining them.

10) The cheap chocolate "gold" coins. The candy tastes cheap, and they always are dried out and old. Yuck. If you're going to eat chocolate, go all the way. Don't eat cheap chocolate!

I do want to give a shout out to Lindt for the Cherry and Chili Dark Chocolate bar I ate recently. Sounds gross, but it was actually very good!