I'm in a Real Pickle

You know how those darn tomatoes are always sneaking into sandwiches? There's another food that is excellent at hiding and can ruin an entire meal. THE PICKLE. Small, cute, totally not suspicious looking. And yet, a stowaway. So easily hidden under some lettuce or a burger patty.

Pickles. BLECH. How can anyone stand them? My guess is that I don't like them because they are cucumbers soaked in vinegar, but I also love to eat salt and vinegar chips, or vinegar with my fish. The sooner you figure out that I'm a food hypocrite, the better. And I'm not a baby, so get that idea out of your head.

A few years ago, I was invited to eat dinner with a family. One of the children had told her mother over and over how much I love tomatoes, and that we must have tomatoes at the dinner. She said that knowing that I have a TRUE HATE for tomatoes. So her mother was like "I made sure and put in the freshest tomatoes I could find." The kid of course started cracking up and says "HA HA, Troubled Eater! I tricked you! Ha ha Mom, Troubled Eater hates tomatoes." I thought about eating one anyway to be polite, but I just couldn't do it. It just wasn't going to happen. They also had potato salad, which makes me gag. It was full of eggs, which makes it worse. I managed to keep it down.

Then, during the dinner, the mother asks me "Why don't you want any pickles?" They were canned pickles that she did at home. I hate pickles almost as much as I hate tomatoes. Seriously. I am completely repulsed by them. I smiled sweetly and said that I just didn't feel like any at the time, so that was why I hadn't taken any. She then proceeded to tell me her recipe. I knew at that point that I would have to eat one. I began fervently praying, "God, you are going to have to get me through this. I can't do this. Help me not to gag."

I cut up one into pieces, popped a small piece in my mouth, and at that moment, one of the siblings yelled and distracted everyone. That gave me time to gag, choke down some water, and then attempt a smile. The mom never suspected a thing. Dear readers, they were the nastiest things I've ever eaten. I hate pickles! I managed to eat one slice, but it swam around in my stomach for the rest of the night.