Tales: Back to School Edition

Summer is almost over, and soon it will be time for children across the nation to be going back to school. Each school year is a time of new beginnings for a student. New teachers...new friends...new shoes...new supplies. But there is one thing that remains steady throughout the years.

CAFETERIA FOOD.

Notorious for it's horrifying tastes and smells. It's carefully planned by dieticians and health experts from around the country. And yet...you still get meals like spaghetti with a side of mashed potatoes. Or nachos and "fish shapes." HUH? This is healthy? All health issues aside, let's walk down memory lane and remember tried and true cafeteria food.

Troubled Eater's Cafteria Picks
Apple or cherry crisps. Swimming in butter, and made with crappy ingredients, but still a Troubled Eater favorite.
Peanut butter. It may have been industrial grade, and really cheap and crappy, but I liked it regardless. If we ate all our food, we could have a slice of bread with some peanut butter.
Hot rolls. Not as good as homemade rolls, but still very good. And the smell. Heavenly!
Mashed potatoes. No doubt powdered, and so soft they were served with an ice cream scoop, but still, I liked it. Probably because it didn't have an odd color to it, or weird random noodles.
Cinnamon rolls. It's pretty hard to screw those up.

Troubled Eater's Pans (And not those industrial sized ones they cook with!)
Chicken patty. Doesn't look like chicken to me. Could be renamed "Pasty Patty" or "Floppy Patty."
Pork Fritter. Do I need to say anything more than PORK FRITTER?
Steamed spinach in a cup. Horribly, horribly over cooked. Full of water. Full of stink. Full of fear. Does ANYONE ever eat that?
Banana pudding. Mmmm. Shimmery. Slimy. Gross.
Warm milk. Is it impossible to keep it cold? And drinking it out of that little carton wasn't my favorite, either. The little spout was always kind of furry with torn paper.
Canned fruit cocktail. Still tastes like the can, suspiciously lacking many cherries, and the cherries are barely red.
Iridescent ham. Why, oh why, does it have a Mother of Pearl sheen? And on that same tangent, what was with the weird colors in any meat they served? Green spots? Colors? Blech.
Fish on Fridays. Friendly for the Catholic community. But I don't like the smell.
Pizza. Flat. Totally square. Could be used as a replacement for a hammer.
Turkey sandwich with gravy. Whaaaaa???
Any form of vegetable served. So steamed, all nutritional value had to be lost.
Fake BBQ Rib. With the fake rib shape in the mystery meat. Supposed to look like the real deal.
Any food involving cold macaroni noodles. Enough said.
Flat, tiny squares of cake. Made with a really sugary, weird frosting. The whole thing tasted like sawdust.

Welcome to a new school year, kids. Do yourself a favor. Bring your lunch.